I've been thinking about Michael's message from Sunday. It was on anger. For those of you that know me well, you know that it takes something huge to happen for me to release the anger that I build up. The last time I was truly angry was in July of last year. I have been upset, and I have been mad, truly angry...not in a very very long time-over a year. The last time I was angry, I lost a friend that I cherished. I valued the friendship...I loved staying up until 3 in the morning on the phone...I loved that I could say anything and know that it wouldn't be told. I miss the friendship, but I don't miss the drama that came with it. I know that as a christian, my walk is better off with out this person- no matter how hard I miss them. So what happened that made me so angry?
That's an easy one...I let everything in that relationship build up. Everything that made me mad...everything that upset me...everything that hurt my feelings...everything that made me believe in them...everything that made me happy...everything that I knew was going on but wanted to ignore.
I took it was a learning experience. I told myself to never let things build up that I wasn't happy with. I told myself that to have a good relationship with anyone, that I needed to be open and honest with them. It sounds so much easier that it really is. I have such a type B personality it isn't funny. I'm the biggest pacifist you will ever meet. I want everyone to be happy...even if that means that I won't be. I thrive on making people's lives easier. I love to help...even if it means I don't give myself what I need.
At the end of Michael's message, he said something that really hit hard for me. He said that some people don't get angry enough. Although he was talking about being angry over the things that make God angry, I can't help but thing that maybe God would be angry too if he never took time for himself. Maybe I should be angry more often...maybe I shouldn't.
All I know is at the end of the day, I need to feel good about the relationship that I have with God...if I have to get angry to be there, does that mean that I am wrong?
About Me
- Nikki
- I live with my mom and two sisters, but that's about to change. I'm deciding which college to transfer to. I almost always have something sarcastic to say, and yes-it has gotten me into trouble. I have a relationship with Jesus that I continue to work at daily. Some days are easier than others, but He never promised it would be easy. I love music. I listen to a little bit of everything...excpet for bluegrass. I'll never understand how people listen to it without their ears bleeding. I hope that I am the kind of person people rely on- I like to think that I am. My biggest goal in life has recently changed. Although I still want to have kids, have a successful mariage and carreer, my greatest goal in life is to have people describe me as a person of integrity- to be known as the exact same person to everyone, to not have a different mask for different people. I absolutely love to laugh. I think it's one of the greatest tools God ever gave us. I really don't think that it's possible to be in a bad mood when people are laughing.
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